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Week 35: Contentious Phone Calls, Solar Eclipses and Running Ellipses

Leadership

Last week I had a pretty contentious call at work. It was even one of those where I have to send a “I’m-sorry-for-my-tone-but-not-for-the-content-of-my-message” type emails later on.

So it goes.

But there were key points to take away on my side too, which involved suppressing the stupid ego as always. Having the mirror held up can be jarring sometimes.

But it can also spur us to action.

With time to think about the conversation over the weekend while staring at a pool, I came to realize they were right in the end.

The buck stops with me on my team.

I am responsible for them. For their training. For their process. For their results.

And while there are some days I have to remind myself I asked for this, worked for this, and longed for this, there are certainly many more days where I feel blessed for the opportunity.

Coming back from a few days off is fascinating in other ways though. I realized that I come home angry. Not angry with my lot in life or anything like that, but because with some time to actually think I remember all the shit I say is important to me that I’m NOT doing.

Even with so much progress over the last few years, there are still times when my hypocrisy knows no bounds.

Progress over perfection I guess.

Time to level up once again.

Philosophical Dad Stuff

We watched the total solar eclipse yesterday and it was absolutely spectacular. Enjoying it among family was even better. I held my oldest son in my arms as the sun was completely covered by the moon, plunging the midday world into darkness. It was breathtaking and stunning and completely worth every bit of everything that went into seeing it.

It’s also easy to understand how earlier societies thought of these as seminal events. I’ve never seen anything like it.

I often wonder what my children will remember when they’re older.

I hope they remember this past weekend.

I sure will.

Couch to Ultramarathon…and Beyond

Last week officially kicked off the training block for the 100k race this fall.

The first run was simple enough. 20 minutes early in the morning. No biggie.

I started off and considered the enormity of the task before me. Transform myself in the kind of person who can run 65 miles…in the mountains.

But as I ran in the early morning rain, I felt at peace. I felt gracious.

Gracious that I could move my body in such a way. Gracious that my family supported my crazy dreams. And gracious that these types of spirit quests have the ability to push us beyond what we previously thought possible.

A lot of runners yammer on about gratitude. Before this, it had been an ephemeral and fleeting feeling for me. Of course I felt thankful to not be hurt and to be able to have the time and ability to run long distances.

But I had yet to feel thankful on such an existential level.

I felt connected. To the land. To the community. To myself.

I spent the winter in sacred solitude forging that connection, logging long miles by myself in the cold darkness.

And in the end, that’s exactly what I was seeking. Something big, audacious, and absolutely terrifying that would push me to confront and embrace the better angels of my nature.

It’s working.

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” -John F. Kennedy

Live triumphantly. See you next week.