Over the last few weeks, I’ve found myself thinking about when I was young. The things I did, the hobbies I had, the movies I watched, and the experiences I had growing up.
Nostalgia is a heck of a thing.
So I bought all 9 American Pie movies. I played some old video games. I looked up old pictures and emails.
In doing so, I probably laughed more than I have in a while.
And in a weird kind of way, returning to the past made me refocus on the present and the future. I was reminded of the life I’m already thankful for, which got me thinking about and made me excited for all the stuff that was yet to come.
This past week, my family and I went to Destin, FL with my mother and brother. We spent five days in the sun. We saw old friends. We went to dolphin shows and sea lion shows. We ate great seafood. We saw sea turtles hatching one moonlit night on the beach. We sat on the sand bars by day and chased crabs at sunset.
It was an amazing time with my wife, kids, mother and brother.
I spent long moments staring at the waves rolling in, lost in reverie.
Oddly enough, the retrospection turned introspection knocked something loose for me.
I’m so impatient sometimes. Mostly with myself, but also with others.
For a long time, I’ve tried to optimize my life, in search of more. I didn’t just want to have a lot, I wanted it all. It’s selfish. I realize that.
And when we continually move the goalposts back, we’ll never reach the objective.
On the other hand, I also talk about how these days, right now, are my “good old days.” So why am I so impatient for the next thing? The next phase? The next chapter?
I only get a few more years that my kids think I’m cool before that’s over with. There’s a commonly quoted statistic that 90% of the time we spend with our kids is before they turn 18.
This stat, whether precise or not, lives rent-free in my head.
The best thing about my current job is the flexibility it affords me. I have not missed many of my kids’ activities heretofore in their lives. I’m there when they go to school. I’m there when they come home.
I’m hard on myself when I feel I’m lacking in consistency with the things that matter to me, but maybe I’m already there with the thing that matters most.
Lately I’ve been reading and thinking and listening to podcasts about the tension between presence and ambition. Those pursuits that satisfy the quest for success and significance will still be there in a few years. They won’t be going anywhere.
But my children will get older, wiser (hopefully), and more independent by the day.
And it doesn’t preclude me from building skills quietly while I live these golden days. I’m already doing more with AI than I ever thought, and it’s starting to afford me ancillary opportunities even now.
In the meantime, I get to hang with my kids while they’re young and redo childhood with the coolest little dudes I’ve ever met.
As I sat there on hot sand last week I realized, once and for all, that it was enough.
Live triumphantly. See you soon.
“Look around, look around, how lucky we are to be alive right now…
We don’t need a legacy.
We don’t need money.
If I could grant you peace of mind
If you could let me inside your heart…
And I could be enough.
And we could be enough.
That would be enough.”
“That Would Be Enough” by Lin-Manuel Miranda, from Hamilton
Great post, Brother! 🙌