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Week 20: Becoming Peak Bad Ass Update and How Authentic Confidence is Earned
Philosophical Dad Stuff
This is a picture of my dad at peak “bad ass.”
For most of his career in federal law enforcement, he also served as a firearms instructor. This picture is of him demonstrating the operation of a Thompson .30 sub-machine gun (aka the Tommy Gun) to one of his classes.
My wife gave me a framed copy of this picture last year for Christmas.
As I looked at it without the wrapping paper, memories came flooding back of my father in his prime, full of vitality and possibility, and blissfully unaware of the brain tumor that would rob him of his later years.
So it goes.
I remembered going to the Alabama Police Olympics with him. He’d compete in racquetball and softball, usually winning a medal in racquetball while getting a “thanks-for-showing-up” handshake in softball. I remembered his big nemesis in racquetball, a deputy with the Mobile County Sheriff’s department that he nicknamed “The Pirate” due to his earring and bandana he wore while playing.
And then I thought about what pictures my own children might find of me one day and wonder if my life was cool.
What would they find? Pictures of me at the computer? Sitting on the beach? Playing golf?
Decidedly not as cool, which got me thinking bigger picture.
Am I at peak bad ass? (No.) Have I ever been? Why has this never been a goal? Is it something we can aspire to, or does it just happen organically?
In years past, I’ve avoided New Year’s resolutions. I guess I never found something I considered worthy of my efforts and worthy of holding myself accountable.
Until now.
Peak Bad Ass in 2023.
I like the sound of that.
What are you doing to make this year the best one yet?
December 2023 Update
I wrote this in January of this year without knowing what would happen this year.
I didn’t know I’d have an epiphany due to an unassuming text from my boss. I didn’t know staring at the Matterhorn would plant seeds that would have me longing to return to the mountains and prove my mettle. I didn’t know that leadership challenges would cause me to question my “why” more than ever before.
And I didn’t know that a gifted Canadian filmmaker named Jeff would inspire me to reach for the edges of what was possible for me.
So. Peak Bad Ass? Not yet. Not even close.
But we’re laying bricks every day.
Couch to Ultramarathon
This past weekend was a big test.
After dealing with an ailing foot for a couple weeks, I was back up to normal training volume last week.
With that normal training volume came the longest single run of the entire 50k preparation: 22 miles.
I was nervous about it. After my minor foot issues, I was worried the wheels were falling off. I was worried that I wasn’t going to even make it to the starting line, let alone finish an ultra.
I was worried it was all talk.
I epically procrastinated that morning before dawn, putzing around the house making sure things were right before setting out.
As the early morning miles ticked by, something started happening to me.
The foot didn’t hurt. My mind stopped the negative talk. I was fine.
And in reality, I should be. I’ve run more than 500 miles getting ready.
But our minds live only in the now, for the most part. I somehow forgot the hours building a cardio base in the Summer, or building mileage volume as the leaves fell in Autumn, or building speed and strength as the cold winds usher in Winter.
At the end of a 22-mile adventure that took me through trails, parks, rivers, cemeteries, hills, and city streets, for the first time I was ready for more.
I no longer needed to look outside for validation in this endeavor. I was starting to believe, and I’d earned it.
I’d dialed in nutrition, alternating between sugary and savory snacks. I’d worked out issues with my pack, headlamp, and foot. And I’d run for more than 4 hours with no music, nothing to keep my mind occupied save a couple phone calls from friends.
It was a massive confidence boost; and reminded me of a quote from Alex Hormazi.
“You don’t become confident by shouting affirmations in the mirror, but by having a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are.”
Live triumphantly. See you next week.