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Week 41: Ad Astra Per Aspera

Leadership

It started making sense when I turned the key in the lock at my former colleague’s house.

Following the sudden death of my teammate a couple months back, his parents asked me to check on the house once a week. Knowing that he’d do the same for me if roles were reversed, I’ve been happy to help.

But I’ve also been feeling like kind of a phony.

It’s been hard to tell my team to make more calls, send more emails, write more creative copy, or pump up the volume some other way in their sales territories.

It’s been hard because I’ve been thinking about that big picture quite a bit lately. The measure of our days.

Cracking the whip to sell more seems more hollow, more shallow than it did a couple months ago. And trying to replace that person, not just an experienced professional, but an emotional leader on the team, is proving more difficult than anticipated.

As such, I realized I’d become more transactional with my team. More distant. Less engaged.

Yesterday I called myself out for it during our weekly meeting. I explained how I’d been feeling, and my renewed sense of imposter syndrome that difficult situations can sometimes bring about in us.

Then I resolved to do better.

It’s a bit touchy to know when to show vulnerability as a leader and when to show strength. I try to do both, but I realize I can’t always have my cake and it eat it too. Then again, others may suggest that admitting weakness, that we don’t have all the answers, IS showing strength.

We can borrow trite cliches and expressions all day long, but the problem remains the same.

When is each appropriate, and for how long? Obviously each situation is different, and every person is different. For me, it was time to get my mojo back.

It’s often said that the first step in solving a problem is to admit there is one.

I got knocked off my game a bit and it shook my confidence. Remembering my “why” got me refocused on what matters.

Besides, my old friend would have had strong words for me had he known I was wallowing.

Back to work.

Couch to Ultramarathon…and Beyond

This week will mark the eighth week of a 24 week training block for the 100 kilometer race this fall. And with it, the end of the base period as we move to workouts more tailored to the course specifics.

And since nobody actually gives a shit about how far I run, let’s talk about progress more generally.

Starting this process was downright terrifying, which is how I knew it was the right next step.

That being said, I had no idea how I would turn into the kind of person who can run that distance in the mountains. You know…since I live in Ohio and stuff.

After two months, my outlook has begun to shift.

I’m faster, stronger, smarter, more experienced, better coached (in that I actually have one now) and am better equipped.

If that doesn’t constitute meaningful progress, I’m not sure what does.

And it’s also a testament to consistency. It was nearly a year ago when I first got inspired to tackle this insane challenge.

In that time, many things have changed.

I’ve gotten in pretty good shape. I look different. Both younger seeming and more tired seeming.

I’ve run all over the area; discovered amazing parks and playgrounds, found shortcuts and longer scenic routes; made some new friends and found far less time for some others; ate a lot of cake, but played almost no golf.

It was mostly good, but there were trade-offs.

I knew this would be a multiyear process at the very least. I knew this was not a casual hobby. I knew that training would be a long and arduous.

I knew that big goals required big commitments.

But I didn’t know that the rewards would be available to me. They still might not be. I think I’m beginning to realize that not everyone can run 100 miles. I might well be one of them.

And the fact is not everyone should try.

I thought it was funny when my friend Brandon said I had to be “psycho enough or hurt enough” to want to run 100 miles. I’m now realizing he wasn’t joking.

After he first said it, I thought it was the latter of the two for me; a quest of absolution and atonement for my previous sins.

It might have even started that way. but now that purpose has evolved.

It’s for health. It’s for adventure. It’s for living amazing experiences in amazing places with my family.

It’s a way to both face down my demons and discover the better angels of my nature.

It’s for proving to myself that triumph and possibility still exist.

It’s a middle finger to the world of instant gratification that is slowly killing us.

And it’s an ongoing meditation on reclaiming agency; of finding freedom in an unfree world.

“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” -George Bernard Shaw

Live triumphantly. See you next week.